online lit — BARRELHOUSE

Barrelhouse Reviews: Cruising: An Intimate History of a Radical Pastime by Alex Espinoza

Review by Jon Kunitsky

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Unnamed Press / June 4, 2019
238 pp

In Cruising: An Intimate History of a Radical Pastime, Alex Espinoza traces the etymology, cultural origins, and contemporary history of this particular form of gay exhibitionism. Cruising is not new, he says unabashedly, and neither are cruisers; we are, instead, tenants of history and crucial players in queer liberation. 

The earliest appearance of the word “cruising” took place in Hutchins Hapgood’s 1903 book The Autobiography of a Thief. There, the word was associated with female sex workers, “cruisers” meaning “street-walkers.” Espinoza reports Timothy Blanning’s research demonstrating that it derives from the Dutch kruisen, which means to both “cross” or “intersect,” as well as to breed or to “arrange the mating of specific plants or animals.”

But “cruising” as a term is not just etymologically diverse. It has a history and a participatory population that spans thousands of years and many countries and cultures around the globe, each time period and location with its own tumultuous and liberating past. Today, it is most strongly associated with gay culture, where “cruising” continues to be the act of physically crossing and recrossing in the same place. It involves slight messages between men to indicate sexual interest with the intent to hook up in a discreet public space: movie theaters, alleyways, bathrooms, leather bars, public parks. Cruising men meet other men anonymously to exchange sexual favors, with only a glance, a gesture, a particular handkerchief color to let the other know his motive. 

Espinoza frames his anthropological survey in chronological order and fills it with a combination of brief historical accounts, starting with Greek antiquity and the “molly houses” of 18th century England and ending with the smartphone age of dating apps and sex sites. His analysis includes high-minded scholars in queer studies and literature such as Gloria Anzaldúa and Edmund White, and it captures the terror of the AIDS crisis in the 1980s. Espinoza’s varied textual strategies encompass a columned list of the “Hankie Code” used by gay men to broadcast their sexual interests and preferences to nearby queers (top, bottom, slave, master) as well as discussion of the international human rights crisis in Russia and Uganda, where gay men must remain closeted to stay alive. The book even touches on George Michael’s coming out, forced upon him by a media bent on the intrigue of exposing a gay man’s sex life. 

What makes Espinoza’s work stand out is not his historical thoroughness, however, but a refreshing candor in his appraisal of his own sexual escapades. In the introduction, Espinoza claims his phallus led him to enlightenment, and that he “eagerly followed.” It’s shockingly entertaining to see Espinoza identify with these men who place themselves in danger for the reward of sexual pleasure. He knows firsthand that these men want “not just to be fucked, but to be loved.” Herein lies Cruising’s accessibility for lay readers, however unfamiliar they might be with the queer theory and political or academic writings Espinoza weaves into his narrative. In fact, Cruising is a great primer for issues concerning homosexuality in America prior to diving into the dense language of Bersani or Anzaldúa.

Espinoza covers a lot of ground in making a case to “dispel the misconceptions and myths associated with cruising... [and] document this significant cultural identifier.” As a “closeted Mexican kid with a disability,” born in the tierra sagrada of Michoacán, Mexico, Espinoza is able not only to dissect the more dominant experiences of white gay men, but to explore complicated issues concerning race, the “ongoing surveillance of bodies of color,” and the impositions that limit “the full participation of [the] brown body in ways white gay men do not necessarily encounter.”

Given its breadth, Cruising is a slim volume. Part academia, part entertainment, it’s an economical account of gay history, peppered with Espinoza’s field work: interviews and firsthand accounts from acquaintances, as well as personal stories from his own life. Cruising is as much a memoir of a gay man’s sexual experiences as it is a historical journey. “I am not here to explain the intentions of those who participate in a sexual encounter in any of the many bathrooms at rest stops, Targets, and Nordstroms across the country,” he writes. “But I can speak for myself.”

This is all to the book’s benefit. In the wider discourse, critical attention to books on queer culture varies. Often these books exist on the fringes of the literati, or as a supplement to heterosexual understandings of historical accounts. The practice of seeking anonymous sex in public spaces is therefore seen as the practice of gay men desperate to find an outlet for their sexual urges; the act is isolated, aberrant, and in no way tied to the oppressive state or societal norms. However, some books, such as Leo Bersani’s Homos, appropriately tease out the philosophical implications of such behavior, the underpinnings and the future that may lie ahead. These books mostly come to similar conclusions as Espinoza’s: same-sex relations were clouded in secrecy, hidden or banished forcibly by law or social stigma, and were therefore inherently political. The queer body, the homosexual encounter, become loci of protest, their existence defying the law and order of an unequal land. “The promiscuous homosexual is a sexual revolutionary...Parks, alleys, subway tunnels, garages, streets-- these are the battlefields,” writes John Rechy in The Sexual Outlaw, an epigraph used to open Cruising

Espinoza takes this idea further, claiming that even quiet, “safe” encounters (men as lovers in private beds) are subversive to the dominant heteronormativity of American culture and are, in many ways, “disturbing the peace in a slight and unseen way.” This, the quietness of it, somehow provokes a greater rage. If queerness does not appear in sequins and leather, subconscious homophobia has nowhere to hide. As Foucault says, “It is not the departure for pleasure that is intolerable, it is waking up happy.” 

It is not the parade and rainbow flags, it is the happiness and freedom of choice that threaten. Reading this, as a young gay man myself, was eye-opening. Espinoza, aware of the reality, focuses on the desire for connection between gay men and on the communities that form underground despite prejudice, exclusion, and political and social erasure. What always survives, says Espinoza, is the impulse to form closed circles, isolated from and subversive in relation to the dominant culture with “the strangers who... have found this place, this secret place, to come and be together.”

Being younger than the author, and having realized my sexuality at a time when dating and hookup culture had already moved almost exclusively online, I have never experienced the kind of cruising Espinoza describes. Whether this is a privilege or a loss, I cannot say. On one hand, how lucky I am, and others like me are, to have an outlet for sexual exploration that can be as anonymous or as intimate as we please via an electronic interface, rather than being trapped in anonymity. How lucky we are to have a drug that can prevent exposure to HIV, to live in a country with laws solidifying marriage equality, where an out gay man can run for president. Inevitably, with such social and political strides, the subversive act of gay exhibitionism must lose its bite, right? In Cruising, Espinoza quotes Los Angeles-based visual artist Danny Jauregui as saying, “I’m interested to know then if cruising is the result of a closeted culture...Or another means of maintaining the integrity of a subculture that is uniquely our own.” 

What brings to life Espinoza’s accounts of cruising is his ability to write earnestly, and to introduce a kind of empathy toward those who find refuge in bathroom stalls and public parks—those who continue to flee to the dying escapism of cruising. He understands men—like him, and unlike me and so many of my generation—who search for a greater connection beyond the ordinary. 

“My experiences have been forged from migration and movement, and by the constant and steady flow of bodies and ideas perpetually in transit,” writes Espinoza. “I see patterns and movements in everything...movement is in our blood.”  In a world of constant flux, there is only one certainty: the human condition, its primordial hunger. The driving force that propels us together, apart, then back together again. In the toil of the everyday, the shifting of time and changing of seasons, there is still the human, the divine animal, its powerful craving for human connection and the “desire to be with one’s own kind.” Cruising, Espinoza says, is this manifestation of the human in transit, the self’s endless cycle of migration “from one fixed point to another and then another” as we “come closer to becoming that person we always imagined ourselves to be.”

Cruising, outside the bonds of law and heteronormative order, outside of straight or gay, white or black, finds a kind of freedom for its actors. “We are born of movement, out of a desire to forge connections with others in order to feel less alone,” writes Espinoza, “as it has always been.”


Jon Kunitsky is a freelance writer pursuing a degree in English Literature & Communication Rhetoric at the University of Pittsburgh. His writing can be found in TABLE, Pitt Med, The Pitt News, and on Hypable. To read more of his work, visit jonkunitsky.com.

Barrelhouse Reviews: Burn Fortune by Brandi Homan

Review by Laura Gill

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Clash Books / May 2019
214 pp / Paperback $15.95
ISBN 978-1944866426

June, the narrator of Burn Fortune, has a summer job in a cornfield, which, much like the town she lives in, is full of hidden danger. Almost every location, friend, and experience holds an underlying threat to her safety. And yet, Brandi Homan’s language is understated and subtle, and her writing is spare, and so description stands in for melodrama: “reaching between the corn leaves, I pull my first tassel. It slides out with a pop, white like a green onion. I drop it to the ground, wet with dew. The little black insects that were clumped around the base of the tassel are smushed on my palm.” 

The whole novel is full of moments where the writing holds back, and in doing so, reveals violence just under the surface of June’s life. Most of the actual danger is exhibited in the men she spends her time around; they are rarely safe, and at their worst, they are abusive and frightening. Her father won’t let her mother drive. While June loves her boyfriend at first, his abusive father lurks in the corner of her boyfriend’s psyche, and eventually appears when he tries to hit her. And then there is Chet, a boy who commits a terrible act against June later in the novel. She describes him sitting in a chair with a “buzzed head and stark blue eyes, an eager animal.” When a friend comes in with a VHS tape, they watch “two naked people butt fucking,” and “neither takes their eyes off the screen.” These boys are hungry, and neither they nor June know the boundaries of that hunger. 

Homan’s ability to write small, clear, evocative scenes gives the book an eerie, understated tone. Like June, we never quite know when we are safe. The writing rarely indicates panic, even if June is experiencing it. In one scene, for example, she has to pee at work. She’s in the cornfield and knows she’s not supposed to urinate in the field, but she does it anyway despite being “afraid of spider mites in [her] asshole.” As she pulls up her shorts, she “hear[s] a rustle, a pounding, but when [she] stand[s], the field is empty and the tops of the rows are still.” It’s the “stillness” that haunts; it’s the calm spread above the danger that terrifies. 

It’s not surprising, then, that June finds an escape, even if she finds it in an unlikely place: the school gymnasium. There, she sees movie posters featuring Jean Seberg, who grew up in her town, and June decides to learn more about her. She dives into Seberg’s films thanks to the novel’s fairy godmother, Mrs. Devereaux, the school librarian, who helps her get access to the movies and encourages her investigation. Mrs. Devereaux can’t put June into a costume and send her to find her prince at a ball, but she can give June Seberg, who ultimately presents June with a question she hadn’t considered before: “how do you start from here and end up there?” 

This question resonates deeply for June, and she starts to dive deeply into Jean’s life and her roles, especially her portrayal of Joan of Arc. Mrs. Devereaux tells her she got the part by a narrow margin, and it not only made her famous, but it also brought her back to town, resplendent in a convertible. June discovers that she received four gifts on that homecoming: “1. An orchid corsage 2. A key to the city 3. A small gold-plated ear of corn and 4. A parade.” She reflects, “it’s the ear of corn that kills me, not quite gold but gold enough…it must’ve felt comforting in her hand, moist on metal. The right size for a purse…” For June, corn is spider mites, abusive men, and work. For Jean, the woman who escaped, it is gold. 

What stuns June isn’t simply how the role transformed Jean’s life, but also watching Jean in the role itself. Then, her fascination turns to Joan of Arc. After a particularly abusive experience with one of the men in her orbit, she reads more and more about Joan. (It can’t be a coincidence, this alliteration of names: June/Jean/Joan.) Partly because Mrs. Devereaux is excited about her interest, and piles books in her lap, but also because of the role Joan of Arc played in a world of men. “[T]he biography says that Joan wore men’s clothes so she wouldn’t be raped. Imagine. Clothes as repellent, shield. Doors her companions can’t unlock.” 

For June, just as protection is a fantasy, so is leave-taking. And yet: she does try. As June wrestles with her new reality, she finds herself escaping again. This time, she heads to a culvert. If a culvert carries a stream, then perhaps it’s a place where June can carry herself: away from the world that haunts her, away from the natural forces of mites and men that threaten her well-being. She brings photos, clips, and a camera into that space. She decorates it with the narratives she needs. And, in the end, she turns to the camera on herself, her “blood inside.” She says, “fuck this place, fuck everything…somebody needs to tell. Anybody.” She then puts her finger “on the button,” and says, “light your fire.” 

In this final line, we are brought back to the beginning, the title of the book: Burn Fortune. Fortune is worth burning if what it has brought you is violence and danger. If the luck of your life has been made up of threatening people and places, then you must find a way to burn it. To set fire to the definition of the word itself: “arbitrary force of human affairs.” What makes June’s reality so dangerous is just that: arbitrary forces. These are the forces that June needs to escape, and she’ll use her story to do so. 


Laura Gill is a writer, editor, and photographer. Her essays and photographs have been published in Agni, The Carolina Quarterly, Electric Literature, Entropy, and Memoir Mixtapes, among others. She is a contributing editor of nonfiction at Hobart.

Barrelhouse Reviews: The Ticking Heart by Andrew Kaufman

Review by Tara Cheesman

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Publisher: Coach House Books (Ontario, 2019)
ISBN:  978 1 55245 389 6

Andrew Kaufman knows his way around a metaphor. Two of his previous novels, All My Friends Are Superheroes and The Waterproof Bible, successfully use metaphors to explore and make sense of their main characters’ relationships. The Ticking Heart plays with the same themes, this time utilizing a noir-ish setting eerily reminiscent of Toontown in the 1988 film Who Framed Roger Rabbit?. 

In our world, Charlie is a middle-aged divorcee hoping to reconcile with his ex and repair (what he, at least, perceives to be) their broken family unit. In Metaphoria, a city where reality is shaped by metaphors, Charlie is a Private Investigator at the Epiphany Detective Agency. A client hires him to locate her husband’s missing heart. To keep things interesting, she’s replaced Charlie’s heart with a bomb and given him twenty-four hours to get the job done before the bomb explodes.

Shirley pressed a red button and the bomb started ticking. She pushed the bomb through the incision in Charlie’s chest. It sat right where Charlie’s heart should have been. Taking a needle and a spool of fishing line from her purse, Shirley began stitching up Charlie’s incision. She worked carefully. Her fingers made small, precise movements. She was trying to leave as small a scar as possible. It saddened Shirley to know that no matter how hard she tried or how carefully she worked, there would be a scar.

Which, as we all know, is the way these things work.

As Charlie scrambles to solve his first (and possibly last) case, he must navigate an obstacle course of his romantic past. Every woman he’s ever been involved with makes a cameo appearance, more often than not while caught up in their own Metaphoria scenarios. The only way to escape and return to our world is to “poof!,” the novel’s shorthand for the moment of epiphany which breaks whatever unhealthy relationship cycle one is caught in. These epiphanies are mostly pedestrian, on the level of daily affirmations or advice from Dr. Phil. And yet, Kaufman treats them with a little-boy earnestness that’s hard to resist.

If you haven’t figured it out yet: Metaphoria is the place people go to work out their relationship issues.

Whereas Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, loosely based on a novel by Gary K. Wolf which also relies on metaphor, successfully uses the stylized detective noir genre to bridge the gap between live-action and animated characters, and as a means of merging reality and fantasy into a believable facsimile of the former, Charlie appearing in Metaphoria in the role of Private Investigator is entirely random. Kaufman’s plot might have gained some much-needed cohesion if the author had leaned more heavily into the whole P.I. conceit. As it is, Charlie could have any profession in Metaphoria and the events and circumstances he finds himself a part of would have played out exactly the same.

Because, as the reader quickly comes to understand, Kaufman isn’t all that interested in Metaphoria, or in the hard-boiled detective story he hasn’t quite set there. Kaufman cares about Charlie, his 40-something hero in existential crisis, and a prime example of the loveable, narcissistic man-child Nick Hornby excels at convincing readers is attractive. But while Hornby realizes his characters are vaguely ridiculous, Kaufman is entirely sympathetic to and invested in Charlie and his woes. It makes for interesting tension – a book that is contrived on several levels contrasted with the uncomfortably raw emotions of adult angst. 

There’s a lot of disappointment on display in Metaphoria. Even more self-pity.

… the taxi hung left onto a street that was a downward spiral.

The downward spiral street continued for some time. Just when Charlie lost hope that it would ever end, it did. They drove into a dark tunnel. Charlie turned on his lights. The tunnel also seemed to go on forever and, also at the very moment that Charlie started to believe it would never end, he drove out of the tunnel and into bright afternoon sunlight. Blinking and confused, he continued following the taxi.

Kaufman’s greatest strength has always been his playfulness, and The Ticking Heart flexes that strength. He relies extensively on dialogue, which helps ground a story that’s a bit all over the place otherwise. There’s lots of repetition of phrases, situations and plot devices. The opening, in which a mysterious man in a purple hat sets Charlie on his journey, has the feel of a children’s fable, fairy tale, or beloved 1971 film starring Gene Wilder.

Kaufman employs visual devices and textual strategies as well. Charlie’s actual heart, kept in a velvet bag until it can be sewn back into his chest after the bomb is removed, gets kicked around a lot. Both literally and figuratively. And when that happens, the letters “h-e-a-r-t” arc across the page in a visual representation of the heart in flight. When a character poofs!, the word poof! is isolated in the center of an otherwise blank page. A cloud of purple smoke and the smell of cedar signals to the reader that a character has moved between worlds. One half of a conversation is written in wingdings (the font), which you can decode if you’re interested enough to do an internet search. A similar thing happens when Charlie’s heart is interrogated (some metaphors aren’t particularly subtle), and a form of Morse code is used to represent how the beats translate into a language. There’s a convenient key at the end of the book to help sort that out.

While it’ll never be my favorite of Kaufman’s books, The Ticking Heart has a quirky charm and weird sincerity that makes it hard to dismiss. Certain moments even had me feeling a bit sentimental, like when Charlie’s heart escapes its bag and scampers around like an adorable puppy. The idea that your anthropomorphized heart might actually love you like a loyal little dog is rather sweet. What kind of monster doesn’t like puppies? 

In the end, The Ticking Heart slides companionably onto the shelf between Kaufman’s other books. Not the first you should reach for, but not the last either.


Tara Cheesman is a freelance book critic, National Book Critics Circle member & 2018-2019 Best Translated Book Award Fiction Judge. Her work has appeared in The Los Angeles Review of Books, The Quarterly Conversation, Book Riot, Vol. 1 Brooklyn, The Rumpus and other online publications. She received her BFA from the School of Visual Arts in New York City. You can follow her on Twitter @booksexyreview and Instagram @taracheesman.

Barrelhouse Reviews: Like Water by Olga Zilberbourg

Review by Alyssa Gillon

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WTAW Press (2019)

184 pages, $16.95

“You go through diapers like water,” my mother observed during her recent visit. She was sitting inches from my copy of Olga Zilberbourg’s Like Water and Other Stories. I studied her face for irony, but no subtle joke. She just meant “Wow these babies shit a lot and we are drowning in it the way one typically drowns in water.”


Like Water contains 52 stories of varying length. Stories should be enjoyed one per sitting, with time to savor after each. Many of them contain layered perspectives, and Zilberbourg focuses particularly on communication in its moment of breakdown. Those moments benefit from unfolding time. "Rubicon" opens the collection, setting the pace--fast, active reading time with extended mental work--and a magical vibe. Characters experience time slips and revisit decisions that mark moments of no return. 

Many of the stories in Like Water prod parent/child relationships, several through direct and failed conversations between a mother and daughter, others through allegorical tales. “Stroller Selection” pinpoints the overblown feelings that can blossom from the most mundane parental decision. Who cares what color your stroller is? The awful association that the color orange draws for the mother in the story makes it matter a lot. “Dandelion” combines writing life and motherhood in a way I find really familiar. I always say that sending out short stories is like taking a baby and oiling him up, pep-talking him to take on the world. Patting him on the head, pushing him out there for surefire obliteration. Zilberbourg said it a lot better in her story. 

I don’t think it’s a stretch to call the collection heavily autobiographical. I read the stories. I read the blurbs and reviews and the author’s bio. I can put two and two together. Mother/daughter stuff, immigration to California from Stalingrad-era Russia, writerly life and ambition. This collection is an insider’s view. Zilberbourg is writing on topics that she knows intimately.

As such, Zilberbourg’s characters struggle to communicate cross-culturally, bridge generational divides, and negotiate love battles. “A Bear’s Tune” follows the sad trajectory of a fight between lovers with an unbalanced emotional dynamic. In this situation, one partner cares more, and a confusing argument leaves both parties hurt and alienated. At the end, one feels “I want you to love me enough to know what I want” and the other is lost and baffled. Sad for their partner’s pain, but inevitably way better off than the sorry soul cursed to love more. An electricity exists in this particular kind of communication void, a partner feeling mismatched in their feeling. 

Many Like Water characters struggle to see their own flaws while readily pointing out unacceptable behavior in others. In “Cream and Sugar” a mother complains about odd, petty behaviors of Americans at an airport coffee shop, while serious violence is happening in Odessa, where she’s happily and insistently heading home. “Cream and Sugar,” like many stories in this collection, contains layered narratives and failed conversations that encourage reader participation.

In the title story, the narrator revisits some past decisions that have shaped her present. The story posits the relationship between availability and need, but it goes a lot farther. She compares her life choices and unquestioned preferences to her grandparents' avoidance of water in favor of tea. Doctors advise the old couple to drink water, but in their low tolerance for it, they manage barely a mug a day between the two of them. They take sips in secret, so that each partner can deny stepping outside of the well-worn path of years spent together.

"Like Water" ends, "I've grown used to something else by now, but what if I dared? What if I did what so many of my students do at eighteen or twenty? Namely, experiment. Try out a new identity. I'm terrified, but I also can't pretend I don't understand. Water is life."

Was my initial interpretation of Mom’s comment wrong, another failed maternal cry across the chasm of human understanding? After a life of choosing between water or tea, many  drinkers are left with a staunch preference for one or the other. Water to a tea person is an unlived life resulting from unchosen options, the pool of possibilities shrinking as the drinker goes on choosing tea over water. At some point the water drinker may arrive at a different perspective than the tea person, though they were companions who diverged only once. Choosing to love one person, leaving a country, becoming a parent--all of these decisions may make the drinker prefer tea so much that, squinting across the chasm at those drinking it, water seems a strange and wonderful choice.


Alyssa Gillon writes and hikes in Oregon. You can find more of her stuff at 3AM, apt, and Atticus Review.