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Dec 31, 2017

Two Poems

Dec 31, 2017

What Not to Eat on New Years

Crab—because they skitter sidelong—might counter your clockwise.

Pheasant for fear of your luck taking wing. As Emily Dickinson said: hope is a feathered thing.

Dec 31, 2017

Dec 30, 2017

New Years

Dec 30, 2017

Their feet stuck to the thin layer of beer that coated the kitchen and mail littered the rug by the front door. They went out only to get milk and coffee and diner eggs. The snow had melted into a dirty Jersey slush that seeped up her pants as she skipped along the gutter to keep pace.

Dec 30, 2017

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Dec 29, 2017

I Go to Join It

Dec 29, 2017

In the picture of my heart’s desire, I am watching “Three’s Christmas,” the fourteenth episode of the second season of Three’s Company, and the only holiday episode of my favorite series.

Dec 29, 2017

Dec 28, 2017

Fourteen Sticks Inside

Dec 28, 2017

Don’t resist counseling.”
“I resist everything but clown makeup and donuts.”
The family is finally gone so I inhaled
fourteen original snack sticks

Dec 28, 2017

Dec 27, 2017

Yelp Reviews of 1988

Dec 27, 2017

like would I go back if I could?
it has rained for thirty-six hours & I am bored of the present so sure maybe

Dec 27, 2017

Dec 26, 2017

Fox My Fox

Dec 26, 2017

Toward the end, the grandmother began leaving offerings in her backyard each night for the fox. Her family told her not to; but each time they confronted her about it, she claimed she had no idea what they were talking about.

Dec 26, 2017

Dec 24, 2017

A Family Tradition

Dec 24, 2017

I’ve always envied people who can remember holidays from their childhood. I’m not great at remembering things. Sometimes I forget to eat, or shower, or brush my teeth. Sometimes I forget to ask my wife if she’s okay when she cries. I’m trying, I really am. I leave notes for myself like clues, little reminders to be a better person. Sometimes I forget to read them.

Dec 24, 2017

Dec 23, 2017

That Time When Me and Mister Were Celebrities, and We Were All Cousins

Dec 23, 2017

I walked into the dirtiest, saddest, scariest gas station in Baton Rouge. The kind where the roof buckles in the middle and the refried grease stains the ceiling. The kind where the cockroaches scatter when you reach for the just-expired milk in the fridge. I needed to use their Western Union, and the guys behind the counter said: Ismaili? Ismaili? We know your husband.

Dec 23, 2017

Dec 22, 2017

Instagram Jesus

Dec 22, 2017

We wanted to begin. We wanted to be reborn and die and do all these things at once. We didn’t know what any of it meant. Only that it would happen once a year, at Stephen John’s place. This is where he had his lawn scene.

Dec 22, 2017

Dec 21, 2017

No One Deserves Happiness in Christmas Town

Dec 21, 2017

by Amber Sparks

Christmas Town. What a dreadful, dismal, backwater dump.

Have you been?

Dec 21, 2017

Dec 20, 2017

Little Miss Colorado

Dec 20, 2017

Before they searched the basement. Before her father unlatched the stubborn door to the wine cellar. Before they found the small form huddled beneath a white blanket. Before her father frantically lifted her from the floor and carried her up the stairs. Before he contaminated the crime scene with fingerprints and tiny traces of DNA...

Dec 20, 2017

Dec 19, 2017

Two Poems

Dec 19, 2017

First it’s the good sugar, all baby
it's cold outside and warm hands of the lover
on your spine. While any fool could see
the trees turning to spindle points,

Dec 19, 2017

Dec 18, 2017

Holiday Fruitcakes to Give Away and Enjoy

Dec 18, 2017

When you make the fruitcake there are some rules:

You will want to picture it covered in apricot jam, nuts, the fingerprints of lovers, but that is to get ahead of yourself. To put the cake before the batter, as it were.

First, soak the raisins, currants, and candied peel in the cheapest brandy you can buy in the largest bottle you can find.

Dec 18, 2017

Dec 17, 2017

Two Poems

Dec 17, 2017

This poem was supposed to be about
Donald Trump playing Dungeons and Dragons,
the gregariously-sided dice
scattered across his T-shaped dining room table,
his orange barbarian
righteous and at least level five.

Dec 17, 2017

Dec 16, 2017

Christmas Cards My Teenage Boyfriend Meant to Send

Dec 16, 2017

t’s the seasonal shift, the boomerang-bending-back to turn and return to the hands that cradled us, once, but also the melancholy of realizing all the things that were supposed to happen during the year and didn’t. I think he knew that. I think that’s why I couldn’t count on much from my ex-penpal ex-boyfriend, but I could rely on him remembering me in December, reaching for me in December.

Dec 16, 2017

Dec 14, 2017

Three Poems

Dec 14, 2017

Tell whoever says there’s nothing
to do in Fremont, Indiana that
the Holiday Inn Express has
free cookies all night and
a business center and a Christmas tree
all in a row in the lobby.

Dec 14, 2017

Dec 13, 2017

Two Poems

Dec 13, 2017

People who hate this
song are like people who
don’t like candy corn:
loud, everywhere, and
wrong. Do you hate
Jello too? Waffle cones?
Otters?

Dec 13, 2017

Dec 12, 2017

Latkes Talk About Why We Never Go to My Parents With Hanukkah Even Though We Always Go to Yours With Christmas

Dec 12, 2017

Directions: Roughly grate the potatoes. You can also do this with a blitzer, but there’s something nice about knowing you’re participating in your culture’s tradition by doing it by hand. Also, good moment to get your loved ones involved! Like William, your boyfriend, who says he wants to help grating potatoes but also really wants to finish building a house on Sims.

Dec 12, 2017

Dec 11, 2017

How to Get That Nuclear Winter Look from 1600 Penn to Your Own Den!

Dec 11, 2017

Are you looking for the Instagrammiest #holidaywin for 2017? Come on down to the Lancaster Mall HobbyLobby, where we can help you recreate the yuletide look-of-the-moment for your house! If you’ve been searching for #nightmareforest #UpsideDownChristmasTown #TimBurtonMinusWhimsy decorations onPinterest, you’re likely as Cherno-bowled over by Lady of Winterfell Melania Trump’s Christmas scheme as we are.

Dec 11, 2017

Nov 24, 2017

FROM FUTURE STREAMING SERVICES USER GENERATED CONTENT #2

Nov 24, 2017

BY DENNIS HERBERT
The only reason I am even here to tell this story is a narrow escape from the stampeding crowd. A desperation jump through the tear in time of a Christmas shopping line. A line of code in Department Store Deathmatch

Nov 24, 2017

Island of Misfit Lit

by Amber Sparks

AN EXCERPT FROM YEAR 14 BY MICHAEL KONIK

FROM FUTURE STREAMING SERVICES USER GENERATED CONTENT #2

Barrelhouse Presents the Authors of ELJ Editions: Joanna C. Valente

Logophily: Creativity and Synthesis [1]

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