By Amy Rossi
The first news story I remember is the fall of the Berlin wall. I was five, and the way people talked, I thought the wall was something beautiful—crumbling shards of sparkle that people wanted to get their hands on. My boyfriend says he didn’t find out about it until hours later; he was playing a show in Lisbon. This latest iteration of his band is still popular there, and my passport is tucked in my underwear drawer. Just in case. He tagged me in a few recent Instagram captions though, so now people know about me. It was fun at first, all those women throwing likes and comments my way, even if it was because they’d fucked my boyfriend thirty years ago. Or had wanted to. Still wanted to. My follower list filled, the punny names of former grad school friends drowned out by JanieR378, RockCandy684, _xxHellfireAngelxx_. In the same sentence, they say they’re happy for us and also how fine he’s looking these days, wink-face wink-face kiss, the sort of beautiful brazenness that got all of us here. They reference shows from my toddler years, nights on the Sunset Strip, memories of meeting him and more—with him it was always more—and I think about locking my account, hiding from his past, but when I hold up their throwback-Thursday photos and ask him about Pam in Tallahassee or Cindy in Milwaukee, their hair 80s-big and eyes shining bright with backstage dreams, he shrugs. I tell him I’m not judging him for doing what rock stars do, because I’m here, right. I just want the story, to see it. Like I was there. He doesn’t remember, though, not clearly, and if he’s blurred them all together, then I will let them stand apart in their comments on a pie I baked or my new coat or the picture he let me post of us, his long hair still dyed black, combed to the side to look fuller, eyeliner still ringing his eyes, all of it perfect to me, and when we go to bed, I make room for the ghosts, and maybe the next girl will do the same.
Amy Rossi is the managing editor of Split Lip Magazine. Her work has recently appeared in matchbook, CHEAP POP, and Synaesthesia Magazine. Find out more at amyrossi.com.