Barrelhouse Presents: My Weird Quarantine Obsession (DadHouse Marathon!)

Believe it or not, one of our favorite shows to watch during quarantine is on Twitter. DadHouse, “the best imaginary reality show on the internet.”

This weekend, we’ve asked the stars of DadHouse to tell us about their own Weird Quarantine Obsessions.

Cribbage, by Matt Jakubowski

I’ve been playing a lot of fake cribbage during lockdown. I use this free app that has an annoying strip of running ads along the bottom of the screen. But it’s fun and you can choose the design on the cards and the level of difficulty: Easy, Standard, and Pro. I play Pro, always. Even though I lose half the time, it’d be shameful to play Standard or Easy. Because cribbage is in my blood. Or it’s supposed to be. My Dad’s side of the family played cribbage a lot. I’d watch my Dad play his Mom, my Polish grandmother, who said more than once over time that her husband never lost a game back when they played. Which was sad and funny for several reasons.

One because she’d lost her husband, our grandfather, and was talking about him in the past tense. Two because, jeez, Grandpa, why be the winner every time, come on. Three because there was my Dad listening to his Mom tell this anecdote, again, as they played cribbage, feeling the pressure, and definitely not winning every game like his Dad did. I finally understood over time that that’s exactly why she re-told the story. She was using me watching them play as an excuse to bring it up and get inside my Dad’s head. Which is awesome.

Because I can’t play with them anymore (RIP, cribbage masters), I use the stats in the app to challenge myself. They show how well you did on all aspects of the game. I talk a little trash to the app in my head sometimes. And once when I crushed the stats and double-skunked the app, I raised my fist and pointed to the sky. I imagined they were both up there nodding, maybe even mildly impressed.

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In real life: Matthew Jakubowski is a writer and editor based in West Philadelphia. His short stories have appeared in 3:AM Magazine and The Brooklyn Rail, and he writes about books for Kirkus Reviews. He also co-hosts the Cannery Reading Series in West Philly. His blog and author site is mattjakubowski.com.

On DadHouse: @matt_jakubowski, The moody but supportive Dad.

If you’d like to try this obsession yourself:

1. How to play cribbage: https://www.mastersofgames.com/rules/cribbage-rules.htm

2. Cribbage is scored on a wooden board with tiny pegs. Most boards are a plain rectangle with lots of holes. But if you want to see some crazy fancy cribbage boards, check out the insanity at cribbageboardstore.com.